All Time Low – Something’s Gotta Give

Faux-emo pop-rock for tweens who wanna fit in and rebel simultaneously. Junk music marketing junk food. Lame jokes and zombie tropes. “I’m a cliche in a song” – you said it.

Imagine Dragons – I Bet My Life

I confess I’d never heard of these guys, despite them being touted as geniuses by the likes of Rolling Stone and MTV back in 2013. It wasn’t on the basis of this track, which is tedious, overblown, clichéd and self-important. In their defence, it’s hard to keep a sense of perspective once you shift base to Vegas.

Fluorescent Hearts – Find Me Again

Finger picked guitar in the intro, melodramatic strings in the chorus, piano in the bridge. Hackneyed lyrics, R&B lead vocal, boy band harmonies. *head hits desk*

Lorde – Yellow Flicker Beat

If you can imagine the pouty offspring of Portishead and Coolio then you’ve got a handle on this. Affiliated with Hunger Games which so successfully markets angst masked as rebellion.

Hilary Duff – All About You

Banjo-pluckin’ white girl R&B. Yes, that’s what I said. Appears to be built entirely out of choruses and bridges. The meta chart song.

Mary Lambert – Secrets

Feel-good twee pop designed to empower curmudgeons, cake-chasers, twitchy recluses, passive-aggressives, obsessive-compulsives and crazy cat ladies all around the world. Free therapy yo!

Gentle Bones – Until We Die

Double-jointed folk-pop with ctrl-v choral interludes. Clichéd and platitudinous in equal measure, the dim and credulous will love it for its all-purpose affirmation. I wonder who’s behind this 20-year-old singer and why.